Chicago Cuisine

Before I start, I must address the elephant in the room and talk about the Death of Michael Jackson™. I admit that I was not the die-hard fan and was guilty as anyone of making tasteless jokes at his expense. But I also felt kind of sorry for the guy. Even though he was acquitted, he'll forever be a child-molester in many people's eyes. Was he guilty? Who knows. But I think that if he were a pedophile, he probably would have been known to frequent certain overseas travel destinations in order to fulfill that need in private. (Go ahead and ask Gary Glitter all about it.) Plus, there was no evidence to speak of, just the words of a couple of kids whose parents seemed all too interested in a big monetary settlement. Hardly a smoking gun. Was he freaky? Hells yes! But who wouldn't crack under the pressure of being in the public eye since the pupa phase? The poor guy obviously had a self-image disorder and his bizarre quest to recapture the childhood he never had led to some extraordinary lifestyle decisions which led us all to believe he was wacky and unhinged. All I know is, love him or revile him, the dude wrote some solid pop tunes that will stand the test of time. Who didn't absolutely love Thriller? Dancing zombies and Vincent Price all at once? Shut up! It was so awesome! Michael Jackson was also my very first celebrity crush. I remember watching the Jackson 5 cartoon when I was a little kid (what the heck was that talking snake all about anyway?) and I believe the album ABC was the first non-Disney album I ever owned. (It was a used one, given to me by my then 16-year-old Aunt Bev who didn't want it anymore. Or she had two -- I can't remember too clearly.) And my sister and I begged my Mom to buy the Alphabits cereal box with the cardboard Jackson 5 record on the back. (Yes, kiddies, you could listen to music that was printed on cereal boxes back in the day. You and your iPod... Hmph.) But one thing is certain: I will FOREVER be grateful to him for recording the only known song in the world that is a loving tribute to a malicious, conniving, homicidal rodent. Thank you, Michael Jackson, for giving me Ben. I loved that song when I was a kid, and still love it today.

I also want to say a few words about Farrah Fawcett. I was not a fan at all and never watched Charlie's Angels. Even as a kid, I found it silly and unrealistic. (And this coming from someone who watched Planet of the Apes like it was gospel!) I was more into Wonder Woman during that era, because it was a heck of a lot more fun and I had a raging crush on Lyle Waggoner. (I used to watch The Carol Burnett Show to see him too... I KNOW. Stop laughing.) But I do have to say that because of Farrah, more women will be aware of the risks in certain types of sex. You don't have to tell me if you engage in anal sex (and I would not be unhappy if you didn't) but you should tell your doctor and get the extra pap smear. It could save your life.

So now that you have that checklist of Dawnie's childhood crushes made, we can now move on to the subject of this post: FOOD!

As the Taste of Chicago juggernaut flexes it's mighty abdomen this week, I think it is appropriate to talk about the culinary delights that this fair city has to offer. And, yeah, you might find some tasty treats at TOC, but you won't find Dawnie there. I'm not big on hot weather, crowds, and food on a stick. Mostly I'm cursing all the people who are in my way as I fight upstream through the crowds so I can get my paperwork to our Accounting department, which is across the street from my office. So I tend to have my food-affairs out in the wild, as I dislike the zoo-food of TOC and find it lacking in intimacy...

Today I had a sweet tooth that reared it's tiny little maw for something very specific: a cupcake. Now, you have to know that near the Greenhouse Theater where I spend my Wednesday evenings flicking on lights and starting up music cues, there is a wonderful little cupcake bakery called Swirlz. With quite possibly the best frosting anywhere, these delightful little confections are an extreme temptation that one must give in to every once in a while. And it's way worth it. They are mighty tasty and you need to get one if you are in the area. Unfortunately, Swirlz is too far to get to on my lunch hour, so instead I thought I'd try out a place in the Loop that I had passed by a few times, but never stopped in.

So today, Loop Lurkers, I decided to buy my first cupcake from Sugar Bliss. Oh. my. god. This is quite possibly the best cake portion of a cupcake to exist on the planet. I got the Chocolate Cappuccino cupcake and the chocolate cake portion was so dark, it was inky black. And sooooo moist it nearly melted on its own. Just. Fabulous. The only drawback to this cupcake being the most perfect food on the planet was the frosting. Sure, it was delicious. But it was just a bit too sweet. As in, the frosting crunched a tiny bit when you bit into it. Not a terrible sin, but just enough to make it a 9.5 out of a 10.

My solution to this dilemma would be to marry the frosting portion of a Swirlz cupcake with the cake portion of Sugar Bliss and then you'd have something. But there may be reasons that this should be avoided. Perhaps this would be too much for your earthly self and you would drop dead on the spot as your brain would think it had ascended into Heaven. So maybe just play it safe and get a plain old Sugar Bliss cupcake when you're wandering aimlessly in the Loop like you do. You'll thank me and so will your brain.

I'll post other exciting Chicago Food Adventures as I think of them. I know you are excited about that! Try to contain yourself! Good night, Citizens!